Life at 29, birthday blues and some.

(Thank you, company, for the mini cake. I really appreciate it. πŸ™‚ )

I just turned 29 eight days ago. I wish I could say that I had a blast celebrating it, that I’m really looking forward to what being 29 would bring, that everything’s great and I’ve been to some exotic island to savor the moment. But no, nah and nope.

They call this the “birthday blues,” or that melancholic feeling of being unsatisfied with yourself as you add another year to your life. It’s midlife crisis triggered by birthdays, and man, am I getting really triggered right now.

When I started working at 20, I had a pretty good image of where I would be after 10 years: my own place, a stable career, a special someone. Along the way, I picked up a few hobbies, i.e., photography, illustration and lettering, and I thought that by 30, I should be working in at least one of those fields. Come 2017, one year before the big 3-0, and I am nowhere near my grand ambitions.

That’s not to say that I am completely unhappy. My Girlfriend is a constant presence and support who keeps me grounded and in check. My regular 9-to-6 job pays enough for my lifestyle. I have very few close friends, but I know that they have my back if and when I need a lift.

But I also know that I have not advanced my creative skills an inch since last year. I am not any clear as to where I want my life to go and what concrete steps Β to take. Do I want to be an artist? My mind says ‘yes,’ my heart says ‘i’m not sure,’ and my actions say ‘not really.’Β Maybe it’s going to take a lot of introspection to figure out my own head. Somehow, I have this feeling that I am created to be more than this, and that one day I’d get it. I just don’t know what it is, or when it will come.

So anyway, happy birthday to me. I’m usually an upbeat and optimistic person, and starting today, I promise to look at the brighter side of things. #

 

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14 Comments

  1. Wow, you’ve got one heck of an existential crisis there Odee πŸ™

    If I can offer some advice though (apologies, I know it’s unsolicited!), I just wanna say that age is just a number. I know, I know, it’s so cliche! But it’s true though. Stuff like callings and passions don’t always come to fruition when you’re young. There’s no clock you’re racing against, and it’s never too late to pursue a dream. πŸ™‚

    I hope you had a great birthday! Happy 29th and many more! β™₯ β™₯ β™₯

    1. No worries about the unsolicited advice, it’s actually appreciated! ^_^ I guess I’m too worried that I’ll be left out, you know, while my peers and people my age are already making or have made a name for themselves, and here I am, still stuck and not any better compared to my 28-year-old self. I really want 2017 to be my year, but I guess it’s not going to happen overnight.

      But you’re right. Indeed, I should stop measuring myself against someone else’s clock. Thank you, Kate! ^_^

  2. HEEEY!!! First of all, belated happy birthday! <3

    Second of all, I agree with Kate and have to reiterate that age is just a number. It's not a ticking time bomb! Okay, maybe it is, but what the heck! You only live once, so do what you want to do and have fun. Diba? Just do you. And ps, I honestly think your art is a m a z i n g and I'm pretty much jealous of it. πŸ™‚

  3. You ARE actually pretty upbeat (naloka ako sa pagsayaw mo yesterday habang bumibili ng candy hahahaa). I think we all go through those birthday blues. I’m turning 26 this year and I still haven’t figured my life out yet. -____-

    1. Aww napansin mo pala nahiya na ‘ko tuloy lol (-__-)

      I guess i’m just a bit frustrated because i tend to compare myself with others, lalo na sa mga kasabayan ko like classmates and same-age friends. And when i see them become someone or something, i’m like, fvck, what am i doing with my life???

      1. OH MY GOD I CAN FINALLY ACCESS YOUR SITE HERE AT WORK. I AM SO HAPPY!!!!!!!!

        And yes. Napalingon kasi ako sayo, and then I was like “damn she’s dancing” hahahaha. Don’t we all, at some point, compare ourselves to other people? It’s a very bad habit.

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