(Thank you, company, for the mini cake. I really appreciate it. 🙂 )
I just turned 29 eight days ago. I wish I could say that I had a blast celebrating it, that I’m really looking forward to what being 29 would bring, that everything’s great and I’ve been to some exotic island to savor the moment. But no, nah and nope.
They call this the “birthday blues,” or that melancholic feeling of being unsatisfied with yourself as you add another year to your life. It’s midlife crisis triggered by birthdays, and man, am I getting really triggered right now.
When I started working at 20, I had a pretty good image of where I would be after 10 years: my own place, a stable career, a special someone. Along the way, I picked up a few hobbies, i.e., photography, illustration and lettering, and I thought that by 30, I should be working in at least one of those fields. Come 2017, one year before the big 3-0, and I am nowhere near my grand ambitions.
That’s not to say that I am completely unhappy. My Girlfriend is a constant presence and support who keeps me grounded and in check. My regular 9-to-6 job pays enough for my lifestyle. I have very few close friends, but I know that they have my back if and when I need a lift.
But I also know that I have not advanced my creative skills an inch since last year. I am not any clear as to where I want my life to go and what concrete steps to take. Do I want to be an artist? My mind says ‘yes,’ my heart says ‘i’m not sure,’ and my actions say ‘not really.’ Maybe it’s going to take a lot of introspection to figure out my own head. Somehow, I have this feeling that I am created to be more than this, and that one day I’d get it. I just don’t know what it is, or when it will come.
So anyway, happy birthday to me. I’m usually an upbeat and optimistic person, and starting today, I promise to look at the brighter side of things. #