If you’re reading this, you either clicked from Facebook or have been following my blog for some time. Either way, there’s something I want to tell you.
I have a love-hate relationship with beginning again.
Beginning again is great. It is certainly way better than quiting. But on dark days, beginning again makes me feel like a failure because it means that for the nth time, I started something and then failed to keep up with it.
Take lettering, for example. I started lettering because I want to have a diversion from my 8-to-5 desk job. It wasn’t really a passion, although I did develop an affinity to it. But as months went on, I found myself slowly losing the drive to pursue the craft. I tried picking up other outlets in the hopes of keeping myself relevant to the creative community — urban/travel sketching, graphic design, watercolor and charcoal painting — but like all things that came before them, I failed to follow through.
Or take this blog. I thought things would be different if I get my own hosting and domain, as if shelling out money would suddenly make me more productive in blogging. I’m an owner of a dot-com address for seven months already, but I only managed to write 18 entries. Pathetic.
I’m telling you all this because you followed me for a reason, and I’m not delivering. Frankly, you deserve more content. I know you do. But I created my social media presence on the back of being an “artist.” Now that I couldn’t identify with being an artist anymore, I’m no longer sure what to post about.
I hate to disappoint you, but I may have to shred the ‘artist’ label for a while. I cannot give that word justice right now. I have some friends who are already flying with well-earned artist wings and I feel both proud and envious of them, but I cannot join the flight as of yet.
This meant disaster for the social media following I’ve built, especially on Instagram. But I don’t want to give any more excuses. No more blaming artist’s block or busy work or mid-life crisis. I will, from now on, try to always speak my truth, and it is this: I began and then I failed, and as much as I hate beginning again, I know that it is the only sensible choice.
I’m restarting as Odee. Not Odee the hand letterer or sketcher or blogger — just Odee.