Begin again.

If you’re reading this, you either clicked from Facebook or have been following my blog for some time. Either way, there’s something I want to tell you.

I have a love-hate relationship with beginning again.

Beginning again is great. It is certainly way better than quiting. But on dark days, beginning again makes me feel like a failure because it means that for the nth time, I started something and then failed to keep up with it.

Take lettering, for example. I started lettering because I want to have a diversion from my 8-to-5 desk job. It wasn’t really a passion, although I did develop an affinity to it. But as months went on, I found myself slowly losing the drive to pursue the craft. I tried picking up other outlets in the hopes of keeping myself relevant to the creative community  — urban/travel sketching, graphic design, watercolor and charcoal painting — but like all things that came before them, I failed to follow through.

Or take this blog. I thought things would be different if I get my own hosting and domain, as if shelling out money would suddenly make me more productive in blogging. I’m an owner of a dot-com address for seven months already, but I only managed to write 18 entries. Pathetic.

I’m telling you all this because you followed me for a reason, and I’m not delivering. Frankly, you deserve more content. I know you do. But I created my social media presence on the back of being an “artist.” Now that I couldn’t identify with being an artist anymore, I’m no longer sure what to post about.

I hate to disappoint you, but I may have to shred the ‘artist’ label for a while. I cannot give that word justice right now. I have some friends who are already flying with well-earned artist wings and I feel both proud and envious of them, but I cannot join the flight as of yet.

This meant disaster for the social media following I’ve built, especially on Instagram. But I don’t want to give any more excuses. No more blaming artist’s block or busy work or mid-life crisis. I will, from now on, try to always speak my truth, and it is this: I began and then I failed, and as much as I hate beginning again, I know that it is the only sensible choice.

I’m restarting as Odee. Not Odee the hand letterer or sketcher or blogger — just Odee.


Photo credits:
Featured image from Unsplash: Free High Resolution Photos
Second photo from How To Begin Again by Adam J. Kurtz, published at Design*Sponge

 

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20 Comments

  1. First of all, thanks for removing your IG feed and now I can write my long comment haha! 😀

    I started out my blog as a food blog. I used to post recipes and healthy food facts. Then life happened and my blog changed with it. All I really want to say is don’t be afraid to start something and then fail. Sometimes the best way is to just let life run it’s course and go with it’s flow.

    I’m happy I got to know Odee, the artist, but I’m excited to get to know Odee, the person. 🙂

    1. You know, that last sentence in your comment really got me :’) MARAMING MARAMING SALAMAT!!

      I think I focused on the wrong goal, and in the end I got burned out.. because blogging/drawing/lettering/whathaveyou ceased to be a fun activity and became more like chore.

      It’s also one of the reasons why I like your blog. You seem to write about anything and everything without worrying about “niche” and stuff, and I really want to achieve that level of comfort.

      1. Hahahaa.. wala kasi talaga akong paki. Lol joke.

        I wanted to be a ‘really famous blogger who blogs for money and deals’ before but as time went on I just realized that I was doing it for the wrong reasons and I eventually got tired of it. I had to really go back to the reason why I started a blog, which is to write and then just go from there. That’s why I have no niche and just write what I want. It’s the writing part I like. 🙂 That’s why my advice for you is to go back to the reason why you started a blog and try to form your niche there. And of course, enjoy the journey! :p

        1. YOU’RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT! I’ve always known that niche blogging never works for me, and yet I kept pushing for it just to get “peymus”, naku! Very wrong mindset. I’ll try to turn things around from now on. Hanggang November pa naman hosting + domain ko. 😀

  2. Aw Odee 💖💖💖 Wishing you the very best in your journey of rediscovering your voice and your niche! And for what it’s worth, whatever you decide to do with your blog, instagram, and twitter accounts, you’ll always have a loyal follower in me 😉😉

    1. WAG MO KO PAIYAKIN TEH! :’)

      I really, really, REALLY appreciate the support! And here, I thought personal blogging is already a dead field because these days, bloggers would rather be “influencers” and “brand ambasaddors” haha.

      Srsly tho, thank you, Kate. 💖 💖 💖

      1. Omg Odes I just saw this comment! Pfft whatever to influencing and being brand ambassadors, I’d rather make more organic and genuine connections haha 💙💙💙 Can’t wait to read more of your writing!!!

  3. This is so brave of you. And I completely get what you’re saying about just starting as yourself. I, too, have many, many creative outlets, none of which I’m consistent with. It’s sad and hopeful at the same time. Sad that I can’t keep up, but I’m hopeful that I always have something to go back to. In my case, it’s painting. Hope you keep your crafts. And don’t worry about your readers. They deserve your truth, not just your creative content.

    1. I don’t have enough words to express my appreciation over what you just said :’)

      I never thought of my crafts that way — as a thing that I can always go back to. Instead, I treated them as something I should hustle over to get noticed, or else, someone will beat me to it. I treated it like a competition against my peers, ignoring the fact that passion is ultimately what draws people towards someone.

      Thank you again for your kind words. :’) Maybe one day, when our lucky stars align, we could come up with a painting/lettering collab together. 🙂

      1. Sometimes I see it as a competition, but that would only tire me out. I focus on my own craft, next thing I know I’m creating something beautiful. Ang dami ko nagawang maganda out of my own creativity.

        I also have this friend who started doing calligraphy? lettering? lito ako sa terms. Anyway, as in hobby nya lang. And then next thing I know gumagawa na sya ng commissioned work. So tuloy mo lang yan kasi may talent ka dyan.

        1. Kalaban ko kasi katamaran din, hahaha! I already did a few commissioned works, pero dahil nga “unmotivated” ako, hindi ko ma-push. Hay. Kaya lie-low muna until i find the drive to pick up my tools again. 🙂

          1. Sana matuloy mo din! You started na pala. From there, the rest can follow na. More commissioned work. More exposure. Pag malakas na yung demand, by then baka yun na yung maging push mo.

  4. I’m sure you have more in you than just lettering. Looking forward to more of your posts 🙂 Also, you and me both, gurl. I’ve been blogging on and off for more than a decade and I can’t always follow through but I always know that it’s okay to begin again 🙂

    1. I know i’m approving and replying very late to comments huhu but i hope it’s not too late to express my appreciation! I’m just undergoing an identity crisis, i guess, over who i want to be or what i really want to do in life. Hayysh aga aga, drama! Haha

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